i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
