Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
