I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize