the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
