like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
