I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
