I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
