Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
