I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
