Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
