No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
