Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize