so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
