His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
