he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
