I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
