SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
