he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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