This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it glows. i had to have it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
