I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
