I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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