You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
