Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
