OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
