he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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