I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
