Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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