I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
