I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
