fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
