dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize