i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
