I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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