I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
