I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
