I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
