i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
