I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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