i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
love makes seman taste better
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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