either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
