Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
