literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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