idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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