His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I am available for nakedness
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
