If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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