It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
