I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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