Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
