I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
