oh god the rape fog is back!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
