actually, I'm a sock model
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
