It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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