I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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