apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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