Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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