and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
