Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
