If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
