I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
