Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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