Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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