Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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