I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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