There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
