I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
