Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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